Tuesday, November 15, 2011

South Sudan - Women's Conference November 2011


South Sudan.  What a majestic place mixed with tragedy and struggles, but surrounded with hope and joy.  As I fly above the ground departing this place, my heart is worshipping our great God and King. His reign over the earth is evident and a reminder to me of His faithfulness to us.  While we are all unworthy, He bestows grace and love on us in such a way that we dare not comprehend.  If we are His, the magnanimous spirit of the Lord shows us glimpses of Him.  A little at a time.  I fear if it were more, then we scarce take it in.  Maybe its just me.  But the simple gifts He gave us this past week have been overwhelming and fill my heart with joy.

The people of Yei, Sudan were gracious and friendly.  They welcomed us with open arms and hearts.  But more importantly they greeted us with the love of Christ.  Their testimonies to the Lord are beautiful.  Many of them are laced with struggles beyond my American mind.  They have endured loss to a point that would seem crushing to me.  The loss of a child, and in many cases, multiple children.  The loss of dignity, respect or the ability to even care for their children. Many lost their homes and had to flee to parts unknown and without even a plan as to where they were going, how they would get there or how they would find basic necessities, like food and water. 

War is tragic in itself.  From a global perspective, we see war and hear about it all the time.  The oppression or violence against another people for the gain of power or land or economic resources or just because they are different is the common link.  For us, the most recent experience in America was 9-11.  One brief morning that caused such destruction and despair for some of us personally and for our nation as a whole.  That day contains stories of individual tragedies as well as a major loss for a country.  It haunts us still. I don't want to diminish our experience or feelings surrounding that day - that is not my intent.  But for many people around the world, 9-11 is a common experience.  They live day in and day out with the threat of war or the actual attack of war.  For South Sudan, they lived under war for 50 years.  Many of them are just now living in a time without war - for the first time in their lives they are experiencing freedom.  They may live in a state of peace.  We hope that peace remain.  However, fear is still a temptation and ever-present in their culture.

The scriptures tell us that a spirit of fear is not of the Lord.  He did not give us a spirit of fear, but of courage.  There were many people we met where a spirit of courage in the Lord was ever present.  They had found joy.  Their testimonies, while filled with tragedy and despair, all had a common thread of the goodness and mercy found in Christ Jesus alone.  He had rescued them.  They walk with a humility in the knowledge that God alone saves.

These women of South Sudan are our sisters in Christ.  We will see them again - whether it's on this side of heaven or the other side - we walk in the promises from God. One day, all of His children will be gathered together to worship Him for eternity.  No one, whether South Sudanese or American, will have despair or struggles anymore.  We will live in the fulfillment of joy extended to us through the life, death, resurrection and second coming of Christ.

May all glory and honor be to God alone.


November 12, 2011 (Penned as I left South Sudan in a small prop plane.)

Friday, September 9, 2011

The "Indiscriminate"

In memoriam of my brother-in-law who suffered from cancer.  He passed away two years ago.  Many of us in the family have him more on our minds this week as it was his birthday...love to you Mark.

THE INDISCRIMINATE
It sneaks up on you
And grabs you by the balls
The veracity of its desire
Overwhelms you
Overtakes you
Until you succumb
At the end
Suffering
Surrendering
To its call.
No! ‘Don’t do it.’
Echoes deep within
You fight
You give in
Not a moment’s rest
Is this what life has become?
A constant struggle
Where is the peace?
Peace is found within
Within the midst
Of darkness and despair
The world is thrashing all around you
Yet your soul knows
Knows its maker
Trusts Him
Therein peace is found

Monday, September 5, 2011

Unveiling the heart

When I think about unveiling my heart, laying it bare on the table of the internet, I become somewhat frozen.  There are things in my heart, deep dark recesses that are hard to get to or places I seldom want to go.  I hate to admit that I wonder what people will think of me.  Will they still love the Sheila they know?  Will I now be thought of differently?  My sense of pride wants to take over and shut it all down.

But there is also a freshness that comes from peaking in and examining what drives me.  The Lord has a purpose in this exercise.  I'm hopeful to think that I am not alone in these wrestles, some of which are not as big as others.  And this hope drives me.

Our heart has many facets.  Places that are open and free to roam...a living room or kitchen. They are familiar, you walk in and out of them everyday with ease and comfort.  Second nature.  Then there are places that we venture into when we need to...our bedroom closet or a cabinet.  We enter in with a purpose and a plan. A sense of needing something, grabbing it, using it and then leaving it behind us.  Simply forgotten, but with security.  It will be there when I need it again.

There are some closets we open only once or twice a year.  The third bedroom closet is such a place in my house.  It stores many items that I think have value, even though I use them very rarely.  Its a time capsule of memories.  Photos, clothes, old art.  I venture into the closet only when I need to.  It takes more effort and is cramped.  A little disorganized.  

Its amazing how an old photo can bring out tears or a sudden loss of breath.  The memory is fresh.  Sometimes it brings about a smile, joy or a tinge of pain in the heart. Sometimes the pain seems unbearable.  It makes me question myself.  Did I not heal from this time?  This loss?

The pain is a piece of me.  It doesn't mean that I haven't healed.  It just means that the moment or situation was important to me.  Its a part of who I am.  It doesn't define me, but helps me to understand more of what encompasses me.  The memories may be faded.  But they are an ever part of me.   Encircled in these memories are elements of life, love, loss and a sweet reminder of the Lord.  

You see throughout my memories, even those that are painful, the Lord has been there.  From my earliest memories as a five-year old in my great-grandmother's old country Nazarene church.  The wooden pews.  The sun streaming through the floor to ceiling windows.  The cross above the pulpit; an ever present reminder of a Savior who came to save me.

My life is not without suffering or pain, as is any life.  But it is full of the presence of Jesus - who comforts me and gives me only a peace that He can give.  In the darkest recesses of my heart, there is a light.  Its comforting.  Its a reminder that He is there - even in places I only rarely visit.

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you.  Not as the world gives do I give to you.  Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."    John 14:27

Sunday, August 28, 2011

wrest-tle

Webster defines "wrestle, wrestled or wrestling" as "to engage in deep thought, consideration or debt."  The verb also connotes an engagement that can be violent or determined.  To wrestle with something (or someone) is not always pretty.  In our battles, we see sides of our heart that aren't lovely, Christ-like or endearing.   We must learn to wrestle well.  Bringing our struggles, questions and tensions to the Lord.

Some of mine are:
   What is unconditional love and how do we strive to love this way?
   CHANGE - a six letter word that should bring out TRUST - a nice four letter word
   Bearing our burdens in a society that promotes independence and self-reliance
   Wiring and Gifting - Contentment with our God-given abilities
   Contending for holiness - especially when we feel as if we were kicked in the gut

Those are some topics I will be rolling around in my head, studying scripture, tossing up to the Lord (which I'm sure He will toss back to me) and working out right here.   In our struggles and debates with the Lord, may we always be driven to Him.  May our wrestles cause us to seek Him, gain a better understanding of Him and grow in our love for Him.